
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/528071.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Glee
  Relationship:
      Blaine_Anderson_/_Sebastian_Smythe, Sebastian_Smythe_/_OMC
  Character:
      Blaine_Anderson, Sebastian_Smythe, OMC
  Additional Tags:
      Minor_Character_Death, Suicide, underage_(but_within_age_of_consent)
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-10-03 Words: 3258
****** In And Out Of Love ******
by DeanRykerStrom
Summary
     Sebastian does not do relationships not because he likes having
     relations, but because relationships can hurt people and kill people
     - when one falls in and out of love.
Notes
     I've wanted to write this for a long time and here it is finally,
     Sebastian's first time and why he was the way he was. WARNING! Please
     do note that this will have sex between an adult and an underage
     person (but it's within age of consent for where the act took place).
     There will also be a minor character death. This is un-betaed but I'm
     actually quite satisfied with this one. I also managed to squeeze in
     the SeBlaine at the end so all is well. Of course, if you don't like
     SeBlaine, you can skip the last part because it can still conclude in
     the section before that. The title of this fic was based on the song
     "In & Out of Love" by Armin Van Buren ft Sharon Von Adel. Check it
     out, awesome song. I have a Tumblr account where I talk about my
     SeBlaine WIP. I'd be honored if you can follow me: rykerstrom
     (.)tumblr(.)com
IN AND OUT OF LOVE
Relationship was one of those myths and theories that one often heard about in
conversations. It was a phantom companion to the delusional idea of love. So of
course it was no wonder that love and relationships often went hand in hand for
most people. Yes, it was all a load of bullshit portrayed by media and
propagandized by religions.
Not only did Sebastian Smythe not do relationships, he hated relationships.
Yes, he would normally say to others that he did not do relationships, followed
by some sarcastic and smart remarks about how sex was always better. The whole
spill about no attachments, freedom and what not. That would be the standard,
textbook answer. It made him appear impenetrable, callous, and untouchable.
In actuality, Sebastian did not do relationships because he hated relationships
with a passion. He would never admit that he even have feelings toward that
word but it was the one word that he hated the most with every ounce of his
being. He hated it so much that there was a time where the very word would send
bile up his throat.
Relationships hurt people.
Relationships kill people.
===============================================================================
Sebastian had always been a precocious child. He preferred the company of older
people. While most children his age were out and about playing pranks and
causing troubles, Sebastian spent his time reading, playing sports, and simply
constantly bettering himself. He prided himself on the fact that he sometimes
knew more things than his teachers, and that he could always outwit his peers
in any debates.
Being tall and good-looking did not hurt either. People would always think
twice before crossing Sebastian. Not that people would want to cross him. In
spite of his parents' social standing and influence, Sebastian never tried to
use it to his advantage. He believed in holding his own and fighting his own
battles. For the most part, Sebastian found his peers to be good people. At
least, he had always tried to believe the best in everyone and give everyone a
chance. He was cautious, but not to the point of being paranoid. After all, it
would be a real shame to miss out on an opportunity for some people study and
social interactions.
While there were some annoying and ignorant people out there, in the mind of
the fourteen-year-old precocious Sebastian Smythe, people were inherent good
and trustworthy for the most part.
Sebastian traveled a lot as a child, and because of it he was extremely good at
making friends and adapting to any situations. His parents would always hold
extravagant dinner parties for networking purposes. Sebastian enjoyed them,
because it allowed him to mingle with people and socialize. Not that he
particularly liked every person he came across but Sebastian saw it as an
opportunity to sharpen his wits and of course, receive compliments. People paid
attention to Sebastian, and it always made Sebastian felt as though he had won
the battle of preconceived notions when he could outwit these people in a
debate.
Sebastian liked the fact that he could hold his own in the most challenging of
all situations. Sebastian believed that he was destined to take the world.
John changed everything.
John was not really his real name, but it was always easier to just use a
common everyday name to address him. It just made it a little easier to cope
with things after all had been said and done.
Sebastian Smythe met John when he was a few months shy of turning fifteen. It
was a rather stereotypical encounter, one that was often used in movies, but it
happened that way nonetheless. Sebastian was standing by the pool to get some
fresh air after having spent the last half an hour in a particularly heated
debate on the effect the media have on today's youth. As usual, Sebastian won
the debate with flying colors, earning some degree of respect from the older
folks in the group, and also some raised eyebrows as well. He was about go back
into the party when he walked right into a young man, knocking over the red
wine in his hand and spilling it over both of them..
"I'm sorry about this." Sebastian looked for something to soak up the liquid.
"I'll get the butler."
"I was expecting a debate on this." The man had a mild French accent. "I saw
you in there just now, very impressive."
It never occurred to Sebastian until much later that this John, was hitting on
him. They spent the rest of the night chatting, away from rest of the crowd and
learning more about each other. Sebastian was not sure why he lied, but he told
John he was seventeen. After all, John said he was twenty-three, and maybe
Sebastian wanted to be just as mature too.
Of course, twenty-three was just a number for Sebastian because all he saw was
a friendly, attractive young man who really did not look that old. Until
Sebastian met John, he always thought that people in their twenties were old,
but the way John looked certainly proved him wrong.
John was really handsome. He had never been interested in dating anyone before
but Sebastian always thought that was because he was too mature for his peers.
Now he knew it was because he had not found the right person, someone with whom
he could hold an intelligent conversation while remained to be fun-loving and
interesting.
Sebastian's family was the progressive sort. Nobody cared about sexual
orientations, political view, or religious views. It all came down to being
successful in life and excelling in everything. So of course, his parents were
not worried when Sebastian proudly told them that he had a boyfriend. They
trusted that Sebastian would be the responsible, mature son that they had
raised.
Meeting John would be the highlight of Sebastian's day. John had to work, so
they would usually meet at night. Sebastian would meet up with him after
school. They would have coffee, hold intellectual discussions. This was so
different from all those debates and discussions he held with other adults
during family gathering. His time with John was so much more personal. John
would always look at Sebastian with his gorgeous brown eyes as Sebastian spoke
about his day and his view of the world. And on some nights when John did not
have to work late, he would take Sebastian to some of the fanciest restaurants
in Paris. Sebastian loved the attention. He loved to be wined and dined. It
just made him feel so adult.
John was a real gentleman too, never moving beyond kissing and hand holding. He
did not laugh at Sebastian when Sebastian told him he had never had sex. Of
course, John did not know Sebastian was only fourteen, and the thought of John
respecting his wishes in spite of thinking that Sebastian was much older than
he claimed only made Sebastian fall in love with this man just a little more.
His parents had to travel for an important engagement on the day of Sebastian's
fifteenth birthday. They apologized profusely and promised that they would make
it up to him. Normally Sebastian would be disappointed because his parents had
never missed his birthday before. But this year, he did not mind. Because he
was going to spend his fifteenth birthday – or as he told John, his eighteenth
birthday – with his dear boyfriend
It was one of the most memorable nights in Sebastian's life. If Sebastian had
to rate that night, he would say that night was probably the highest point of
his relationship with John. John took Sebastian to the most famous 3-Michelin
starred restaurant in Paris. He ordered the most expensive and extravagant
items on the menu, and then surprised Sebastian with box seats at the Paris
Opera House. He lost track of how many glasses of wine and champagne he had
that night. By the time Sebastian and John went to the hotel that John had
reserved in advance for them, he was more than a little tipsy.
But it was a good sort of tipsy, Sebastian would always argue that. He was
sober enough to know what was going on. This was the night. It was important.
John loved him and he loved John. Everything was so perfect. So the idea of
going all the way with John sounded like the best idea in the world. Sebastian
felt so lucky that he found the love of his life when he was fifteen. So what
if John was a bit older, it didn't matter. John was the one, Sebastian knew it.
Sebastian never knew the appeal of candles and flowers until that night. It was
perfect. The way that John would tenderly kiss Sebastian as he was lowered onto
the bed, trailing soft kisses on his bare skin and loving every inch of him. It
was like one of those clichéd scenes in movies, where lovers would explore each
other's body in the soft candle lights, uttering words of affections and
declaring their loves for each other. That was exactly what happened.
John was immensely gentle as he prepared Sebastian. Saying words of
encouragement and kissing him oh so lovingly as he stretched Sebastian, making
sure that he was ready for what was to come. When that moment came, it hurt.
But Sebastian was happy that it hurt, because he wanted nothing more than
giving in to this pain as he let John took his virginity, making him whole and
turning them into one.
Afterwards, John held him close and told him how much he loved Sebastian, how
he wished that this moment would last forever. Sebastian said those words back
to John, because he really meant every word of it. Sebastian really loved John.
He loved John with every fiber of his being and would trust him with his life.
Things got progressively more sexual between them after that first night. Most
of their meetings would consist of sex. Sebastian did not really mind, he knew
that John loved him. John showed him so many things and Sebastian never knew
there were so many ways one could enjoy sex. The different techniques,
positions, toys, options, role-plays, everything. While Sebastian would be
lying if he said he love all of them, but he tried to please John because that
was what people do when they were in love, right?
A few months later, Sebastian's world shattered.
===============================================================================
It was a Saturday morning, which was unusual. Sebastian never met John in the
mornings. They always had their dates in the afternoons and on rare occasions,
in the evenings. But John wanted to see him, and who was Sebastian to say no?
Sebastian knew something was wrong as soon as he saw John. John was not his
usual charming, put-together self. He looked disheveled, as though he had not
slept for days. He sat at the café, looking like a defeated man who had lost
all hope. Sebastian feared the worst.
"I can't do this anymore."
Sebastian froze at those words. No, surely John could not mean what he thought
he heard.
"I'm sorry, Sebastian." John looked up, his eyes red from crying. "My wife
found out about us."
Wife. Sebastian thought he was going to be sick. He never knew John was even
married. Twenty-three seemed awfully young to be married.
"She … doesn't know it's you. It's not too late." John put his hand over
Sebastian's, and for the first time Sebastian saw the ring on John's finger. "I
have to win her back. She's going to divorce me and take my son away from me."
He had a son. Oh, god. He had a son and a wife. A family. Sebastian felt his
world spiraling out of control.
The chair clattered and fell over as Sebastian pulled his hand back and stood
up abruptly. There was only one thing for him to do.
He ran.
===============================================================================
Thinking back, Sebastian should have seen the signs.
The warning signs had always been there, but Sebastian just refused to
acknowledge any of them. All those times when John said he could not meet
Sebastian because of some sort of prior engagements, the last minute
cancellations, the phone calls John would have to take when they were together,
the white line around John's ring finger.
The white line around John's ring finger.
Sebastian had never felt more betrayed and absurd in his life. He should have
questioned it. He should have seen it coming, but he did not. He refused to see
the truth. He was just a fling, a joke, a distraction to John, the one man that
he had fallen in love with.
Hindsight, as people called it, was always 20/20.
Sebastian tried his best to move on. He attended classes as per usual, went to
family gatherings and events as he always did. He put up a façade and tried to
be sociable. Sebastian did everything he could to hide the heartache and the
betrayal that were eating at him. Sebastian had finally seen what people were
capable of doing. They were capable of lies, hurt, and betrayal. People were
always only doing things for themselves. People should never be trusted. People
should not be taken seriously.
That was when Sebastian made the decision that he would never be hurt again;
that he would never, ever, fall in and out of love.
If John treated him as a joke, then Sebastian would treat the whole world as a
joke. He would forego maturity and compassion. This world, did not deserve
Sebastian's love. This world, was for his taking. He would use people as he had
been used. He would hurt rather than be hurt. He would show everyone that no
one hurt Sebastian Smythe, because Sebastian Smythe would always be the one who
does the hurting.
Night clubs became a regular thing. It made Sebastian felt in control when he
had someone on his knees pleasuring him. He would go out at night and came back
early in the morning. Sebastian took pride in sabotaging others' relationships.
It made him feel empowered, to know that he had such control over others, and
that he had such power to break up what people perceived to be a strong
relationship. As far as these ruined relationships were concerned, Sebastian
felt it was best that he did these fools a favor to make them realize that it
would never last. Classes still happened as usual, and he kept his grades up.
It was as though nothing had happened. His parents knew that Sebastian had
broken up with his boyfriend, but they had no idea of the changes that had
happened to their son. It was all for the best that they never found out,
anyhow.
A few weeks later, Sebastian heard the news of John's suicide.
It was another one of those networking events that Sebastian's parents held at
their residence. Apparently John's wife came from a high profile family and did
not take to the idea of infidelity very well. So she divorced him anyway,
taking along his son and all of his earnings. It was a scandal in his parents'
circle of friends. No one knew whom John had an affair with, but the fact it
was such a high profile divorce made it enough of a gossip topic for most
anyway.
Sebastian cried himself to sleep that night. And after this, Sebastian did not
believe in roses anymore. After all, roses would die, and same would go for
people as well.
One month later, Sebastian left Paris for good.
===============================================================================
Ohio was boring and bigoted. But Sebastian appreciated a change in scenery. He
hated to admit it but everything about Paris reminded him of John. Sebastian
wanted to get as far away from any semblance of John as possible, and what best
than to go to another continent and end up in a shit boring place like
Westerville?
The gay population and selection were slim pickings here. But Sebastian always
welcomed a challenge. It would all come down to finding to the right gay club
and picking up the right men. Sebastian was certain that he would have no
trouble finding those if he did enough research. Of course, it also helped that
he was going to an all-boys' school where out kids were not treated as disease.
There were a few good-looking ones there to choose from; and besides, Sebastian
loved the uniforms.
As Sebastian took in the view of Dalton Academy, he felt a sense of relief for
the first time in many months. Perhaps, this would be a chance for him to start
over.
===============================================================================
Sebastian never expected the issue of "relationship" to rear its ugly head
again. But it did, in the form of Blaine Anderson.
It infuriated Sebastian initially, to see someone like Blaine Anderson pining
for and crushing on some boy. The idealism, enthusiasm, and naiveté that were
Blaine went against everything that Sebastian believed in. These were not
characteristics that anyone should have. As far as Sebastian knew, nobody was
like that. People were selfish, and people were there to hurt. There was no
such thing as kindness and true love.
Sebastian wanted to destroy that illusion. He wanted to show Blaine that there
was no relationship or long-lasting love; that people were just out to use him
and tear him down; and that just as people came to this world alone, and they
would leave this world alone.
The last thing Sebastian expected, was to be proven wrong.
Sebastian was not sure how it happened or when it happened. Perhaps it was that
crucial moment when he saw in Blaine, the parts of himself that he thought had
died long ago. In Blaine, was the Sebastian that he knew from years ago; the
Sebastian before he met John, before his hopes, dreams, and faith in mankind
were torn down and thrown away; the Sebastian before his heart was broken. The
Sebastian that he could have been. It might be too late for Sebastian, but it
was not too late for Blaine; and damn if Sebastian was going to be the one to
ruin things for Blaine.
So when Sebastian finally found himself at where he was now, in a relationship
and in bed with Blaine Anderson, there was nothing more surreal for him.
Sebastian did not think happiness, love, and relationships were in the cards
for him; but he was clearly mistaken because there was a beautiful boy under
him, who in spite of all the nervousness, was gazing up at Sebastian with
adoring eyes filled with love and trust as Sebastian took care of him and
prepared him for the important step they were about to take together. Sebastian
leaned down to kiss Blaine softly, relishing the taste of his mouth and the
feeling of Blaine's soft skin against his own. Sebastian kept his eyes trained
on Blaine's as he entered the boy slowly and carefully, knowing that this was
the moment that neither of them would ever forget. There was a strong scent of
roses in the room as candles flickered. It was almost as though Sebastian was
fifteen again, back in that hotel room in Paris with John. But this was not
John, this was Blaine.
Blaine who showed Sebastian that all was not lost, that there was still good in
this world; and that Sebastian Smythe would never have to fall out of love
again.
(END)
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